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Words Of Wisdom For My Musical Friends |
| Follow the links!?Clickety Click!As quoted on my main the internet profile page, I know some pretty interesting (and talented) aspiring musicians.?For example, there is Jeri Cross.?I haven't talked to her in a couple of years, and her Garage Band page isn't exactly up to date, but if I know this chick, she's still working hard at her craft.?One of these days, I'll have some updated information to share with any of you who might be interested.Then of course there is the infamous Brother Joel, who can be found on the internet here.?As he so eloquently reminded me the other day, I was there when it all began, back when he was wailing on an acoustic guitar and making up songs about Ramen noodles on the spot to entertain my roommates and I.?Back then, I?lived in an old building in Mill Village, Pennsylvania, that had once been a cheese factory.?From these humble beginnings, Joel has gone on to mastermind such bands as System System and his latest endeavor, Simple Engine.Lastly, but not leastly, there is Tom Andersen, my favorite the internet Guitar Wizard.?His band, Pscience, is currently on indefinite hiatus, but Tom has been keeping busy moonlighting with another band, and working on his solo projects, which are always a treat to the ears.All three of my wonderful musician friends have amazing potential.?In this lovely day and age of the interweb, they have the opportunity to find (or carve out) their own niche in the music world.With this in mind, I have found some enlightening examples of album covers that they could learn a thing or two from.?Such as what NOT to do when they finally get around to releasing those long awaited first CD's.For instance:I'm pretty sure even the sweetest cream would go sour when worn by ladies over the age of 65 as evening gowns on an album cover.?A picture is worth a thousand words.?This picture screams "PLEASE DON'T LISTEN TO ME!!!!!" two hundred times in rapid succession.Perhaps Orion would have been better off being aborted.If you want people to assume that your music is about demonic ferrets, this is definitely the way to go!Do not hire Kitty from That 70's Show to pose for your cover.?Please.?Just don't.Unflattering close-ups make even the most attractive people ugly.?Well, not in poor Ken's case.?My only request would be that he wear a bag over his head on his next album cover.If I EVER catch any of you releasing an album cover similar to this one, I don't care how long we've been friends...I will disown you on the spot!?I will then proceed to go on a year-long drinking spree to make sure that all traces of ever knowing you are obliterated from my memory.?Capiche?I' ll tell you what's next... a long, lonely, drug addicted spiral downward, at the end of which you are found dead and bloated on the toilet, (not unlike Elvis and the woman pictured in the album above this one) by your landlord while attempting to collect last month's rent.The only thing that could top this one is the fat naked guy and a dead male pig, and the album would be titled Homobeastionecrophilia.?For the love of humanity, JUST DON'T!I love my musical friends.This has been a public service announcement, brought to you by the number 7, the letter Q, and the @ symbol.Until next time, kiddos! |
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