| I feel like I am up against the wall, unable to move or go anywhere without running into pain or hurt.And I do realize that this is all apart of my life,and life in general, and that I do accept it as well.I just have to decide the priorities in my life at the moment.For instance.job wise.I feel it is necessary I work at both LJS/A&W and Tyson?s at the same time.I need the money, to save for my future and survive.Wednesday morning, and depending on how it goes I may or may not go in early on thursday morning.that will be 13 hours I will be working on wed....13 hours means about $131 (after taxes) so yah.I am so thankful I am able to work but I will be more thankful when I get my own car..my own place.I need my own space... something I sure am not getting here with a CErTAIN person I live with ALWAYS COMPLAINING ABOUT EVERYTHING I DO.moving right along... maybe after I get my own place, I will be able to do my own things and I wont feel lonely and rejected like I do now.I need to be held, as I?m drifting off into dreams...I need to be told I?m beautiful...I need to be told *I love you* on a daily basis.That?s why I always tell my friends I love them..is so they know.The things I want most in life right now are a car, my own place, my someone special just for me (us being married of course) and (PLZ PLZ PLZ dont laugh) a baby.make that two... a little boy and a little girl...I dont know what I would name a boy, but my little girl is def going to be named Amy Lou...Amy after my friend and Grandma Amy, and Lou after my mom (her middle name is Lou)...Seriously...I want a house..a big ol?farm house on a farm, painted white with two stories and dormer windows, a wrap around porch and huge spacious rooms... plenty of space around with a swing set and tire swing in the front yard where I can sit on the steps and watch my kids play in the sunshine... and the porch would have a roof overhanging so that the rain and snow couldnt get on it, ever, and the kids could play on the proch on warm, rainy days.and a dog.a dog thats been with us since the kids were babies so it will always love them and protect them.... and I want to go back to school and learn a foriegn language, and get my degree in Photography.I love taking pictures...one thing that hurts me, just a tiny bit, nothing compared to as before thankfully, because the one I like..(I love him as a friend but I like him as more) doesnt share the feelings I have for him.I can accept that, in fact I AM ok with that.Because I know in my deepest part of my heart that even if he did, I could never ever date him because I would be too afraid of messing up our friendship.He?s all the things I?m not, I think that is why we?re such good friends.He?s my big little brother...I just have to remember that.... and Im glad he is in my life.(you know who you are.)I guess I just need to concentrate on getting my goal achieved..and making sure I get all my bills paid, and trust God and believe in myself a little bit too.I know I can do all this if I try; so I will try a little bit harder....I?m just scared I will fail.I?m just glad that I can help out my friends, to, when they need it, because yah.Sorry if this dont really make sense...I was just thought-typing... lol |
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