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Travelling thousands of miles to be shot |
| it's been so long since i saw my girlfriend probably too long, almost a year with an excursion in between.So obviously she is pissed off, thats why im going back a little earlier, not much earlier.She has had enough now i think, and it sound like she is going to end it, doesn't feel the same now after so long and doesn't know how WE will be.She doesn't realise i had my reasons for leaving, MONEY was the main reason and finding work.Now after painful months for BOTH of us, she is having doubts i think.So now im really really frightened of going, i should be jumping for joy and so should she but, she isn't and because of this im really shitting myself now.Travelling all that way to be shot dead, thats the feeling im getting.I have that terrible feeling in my stomach that everything i worked for over these months was for nothing, im realy depressed AGAIN.Im sick of giving everything up for nothing in return, i hope im wrong and everything goes smoother but, if she aint happy about me returning then there's a big problem.I dont even know whether to kiss her when i see her, will she want that now??What do i do?im nervous and anxious, oh my god, thousands of miles away without much help.Its not fair when someone feeds you a line and you have to sit on it for a few days.That's whats happening now, im really stressed, depressed, worried, sad, frightened, angry, exhausted, mentally tortured, is that enough??Oh my god im sick of this, maybe i should just go and talk with her straight away before i decide what to do and what is going on, i have to sit on that plane for hours mulling this over, but she is sitting there with everything sorted in her mind, it's not fair,im really down.dont really have a plan B, do i take an empty suitcase?she doesn't want presents.....now that IS a bad sign.Holy shit....................................... im really not looking forward to this, why do i put myself through it??? |
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