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Tales From the Animal Kingdom, Installments 3 |
| Been a while huh?So I'll break y'all off a couple of em to make up for lost time.?You newbies, I write about crazy pet stories cause my wife is a veterinarian, and you wouldn't believe the stories I hear when I ask, "How was your day?"A dog came into the clinic having eaten a trashcan full of dirty Kotex's.?Surgery wasn't the best option, but rather a high fiber diet.?The dog shitted out the remains for two days.?He was an INDOOR dog.?(Wale's comment: the Mike Vick jury should read this before judging a man for killing dogs.)A lady brought a dog in with breast tumors so big they were joining up with each other like they were in a biological the internet.?The owner brought the dog in because it was limping, and wondered what was wrong with the dog's leg.?Some owner.?Tumors big enough to impinge on the lymph system (my wife approved that verbiage), and she wonder why the dog is limping????A puppy came in with pneumonia.?It cost $1000 for a day of work.?The owner was short on cash.?Now the puppy was gasping for air.?The owner wanted to know if they could get some antibiotics and treat the dog at home.?My wife suggested that the dog prolly needed to see a pediatric specialist.?The owner then asked incredulously (the puppy has pneumonia, is gasping for air), "Are you trying to tell me to put my dog to sleep?"?1 week later, the dog was euthanized at another hospital.A man asks his daughter, "what do you want for your birthday, a puppy or an IPOD?"?Stupid man.?Of course the daughter wanted a puppy.?Now if he was gonna get her an MP3 player, he was gonna get the best.?So, same with the dog.? |
| So, same with the dog.?The man goes out and buys a Yorkie for $1500.?$1500 for a got damn puppy.?Well the puppy gets home, and it has diarreah (my wife did not approve that spelling).?A culture reveals Giardia, which humans can contract and Coccidia.?Oh, forgot to mention!?The man brought in a puppy with shit coming out of his ass, his long hair drenched in bile in the nether regions, and he asked my wife, with a straight face, "You think he's constipated?"?Anyhow, the man is currently trying to sell the puppy for $1000 (any interest out there??I can hook you up!).?He frustratingly declared, "I shoulda bought the IPOD!"?My sweet wife, in a rare (but undoubtedly pleasurable) display of non-empathy, shouted out, "Shoooooot, you coulda bought 15 IPODs!"?I'm told the man didn't appreciate that shit at all.Now what is the moral of the story (I almost called y'all crickets!...long story)??When I started this series, I told y'all that I think all pet owners are pyschotic (got damn right YOU!!).?I even stated that earlier on, in a 7 things about you bullshit ass blog.?But now you have the evidence before you.?No, this isn't a blog series about pets.?This is about pet owners.?Sick.?All y'all. |
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