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My Review Of The Forbidden Kingdom: A Breath |
| Let me start out this review by saying I don?t really watch Kung Fu movies, and I don?t really keep track of Jet Li?s or Jackie Chan?s movies.But there is something about The Forbidden Kingdom that moved me, it moved me in a way I had never been moved before, it?s like if there was a machine thats sole destiny is to move stuff around it still would not have moved me like this film did.It is a deeply spiritual and breath taking film that will take your breath away, so if you have a weak heart (Or you?re just an idiot) I suggest you pack your stupid wuss bags and drag your ugly wuss self away from the computer screen because The Forbidden Kingdom is a non stop breath taking adventure.Allow me to give you a scene that took my breath away, and the true reason this movie is worth your time and money.Our heroes are struggling their way through the desert, fighting against the elements to reach the empire so they can stop an evil tyrant.But things don?t look good as they have been wandering through the desert for a long time and have run out of water!Realizng that their only chance to survive is to create rain, they send Lu Yan (Jackie Chan) to perform a ritual that will bestow upon them rain in the sun parched desert.However, Lu Yan has his doubts that he is capable of such a feat.He takes a scroll from his pack, lays it down on the sand and writes a symbol on the scroll.We pause for a minute.And yes!He has done it!He has created rain!We see the now battered Lu Yan in awe that he has made rain and saved everyone.He leans back, closes his eyes, and his jaw falls open.We then cut to right above Lu Yan where, standng on a hill of sand, is Lan Cai He (Jet Li), and he is pissing in Lu Yan?s mouth.Let me write that again, so it can have the full effect of this scene.Lu Yan has broken down, they all think they are going to die, so he tries one last ditch effort to save them, and Lan Cai He pisses in his gaping maw.He pisses in his mouth like it was some kind of weird sex video.And that is why I love this movie, because the characters just don?t give a crap about eachother, and they?ll just piss on eachother whenever.I loved it all so much, I wrote a Haiku:
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Why piss on my face?Oh god it is in my mouth.Someone get a rag.I give The Forbidden Kingdom 5 out of 5 stars.And I give that scene 10 out of 5 stars. |
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