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in loving memory - a tribute |
| Falwell on Faith"God is real and tangible.His strength resides within me." - To a symposium on Christianity after tearing a 900lb steel beam in half.(1987)"When we pray, God listens.If God wills it then it is so.Connect the two and you will realize that anything is possible."- To a class of third graders as he hovered in midair and made clocks turn backwards.(1991)"No door or window is barred to the Lord."- Final comment at a press conference, followed immediately by Falwell phasing through a concrete wall.(1992)"Death is not the destruction of the man, but the passage of what is human from the confines of the flesh.To think this process irreversible is to think God less than omnipotent."- Speech delivered from the back of a tank to his skeleton minions.(1994)"God's Plan is not limited by our flawed human perception.More power to the Crucible!"- To his henchmen in the Moral Majority Tower as he used the Crucible device to open a rift to the 9th dimension, unleashing smoke-like aliens called "Ravenors".After realizing the Ravenors could not be controlled, Falwell joined forces with Captain Uranium and Darkbow from the Justice Force to defeat the Ravenors and close the rift.(2000)Falwell on Race"I like all races pretty much equally, but maybe I like Pacific Islanders just a tiny bit less than the rest.So sue me." - Closing arguments in the discrimination suit People of Polynesia v. Falwell.(1982) "God has given each race of mankind a unique gift.The Asians are wise and magical, the white man commands machines, and the black has been given a surplus of bones allowing him to perform feats unmatched in athleticism."- Final comments at an NAACP fundraiser dinner.(1988) "White, black, brown, yellow, or red, we're all made of flesh and blood and I think it is this meat nature that unifies us in our quest to eradicate the stone men."- Blessing given to the NATO troops before the commencement of Operation Rock Burner.(1993) "The Jew is the stealthiest of races.There is no community he cannot infiltrate.Did you know just yesterday I saw a Jew break dancing?They are an amazing people."- At the Moral Majority's Jew of the Year gala during which Richard Lewis won for the second year in a row.(1995)Falwell on Marriage & Family"There is nothing so beautiful as a married man and a married woman completely ignoring the eight children they are relying on the government to support."- Carved into a piece of driftwood while vacationing in Florida.(1990)"Adoption should be a thing between a man, a woman, and an Eastern European or Chinese baby broker."- Screamed at a baby riding a pony.(1994)"I have two wives.I have been married to one wife, Jesus Christ, for going on 70 years now.We make love every day, tenderly and prayerfully.Wait, that sounds creepy, can you just put, 'The only love I need is my love for Jesus Christ?'" - During an interview with Highlights for Kids.(2002)Falwell on Women's Rights"Women are one of God's most beautiful and magnificent creations.They are superior to every animal in the Kingdom of God.For example, when was the last time you witnessed a horse administer douche to itself?Once per decade, at the most."- Opening comments at Iowa's AgriFest.(1977)"I fully support a woman's right to choose&which pie she gonna make me in the kitchen.He he, you see what I done there?Awwww yeah!"- Said to his wife at the dinner table.(1984)"The Muslims oppress their women.They demand they hide meekly in their homes and conceal the bodies that God gave them beneath restrictive garments.The garments we allow show nearly 20% more of the woman's body, making our religion 20% better!"- Answer to a story problem on a math quiz.(1991)"The media constantly exploits and demeans women for their sexuality.I prefer that we try to find a way to harness their sexuality for industrial purposes.Possibly some sort of camel toe or under boob based electricity."- Transmitted via telegraph to a receiving station in England.(2002)all credit goes to zack parsons and somethingawful.com.it is so beautiful. |
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