| Yep, I?m hot.I know, you already knew that.It?s obvious...like pointing out that the Empire State Building is actually quite tall.The hotness I refer to in the subject header is not the hotness I am already well known for, but the hotness that comes from waking up one day and finding you are now living in an environment not unlike discovering that aliens have stolen your house and deposited it on the sun.Yes, I am referring to extreme icky sweaty and generally unpleasant weather hotness.No, I do not have air conditioning.I do have a ceiling fan which is lovely but it comes with the constant anxiety of wondering if I?ll end up like Vic Morrow (yes I know that was tasteless but this is me, after all) or that guy in the urban myth who dressed up as Batman and was decapitated by a ceiling fan after he jumped off a wardrobe attempting superheroic sexual shenanigans.Still, it could have been worse...he could have been dressed as Aquaman.I tried fanning myself but the only things I have around that can be used in such a manner are a bread board (ouch), the tv guide (which is green and leaves my fingers looking like I?m the Hulk?s proctologist) and a copy of Rolling Stone with Britney on the cover (nuff said).I have drunk so much iced tea that my bladder is now singing Liptons jingles.I tried showering a few times but it?s so hot that the water evaporated before it reached me (thanks folks, I?ll be here all week...try the veal!).Anyway enough moaning...I?m using too much energy sweating as it is. I think I shall fetch a glass of cold water with ice cubes and watch Fargo. |
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