| I was once asked, in jest, how I would sum up the differences between men and women.?One author wrote that Men are from Mars, and women are from Venus, but that to me, only tells the reader that he recognizes a difference, and hopes to explain it through observations.?It is true though, that only women are from Venus, because only a woman could survive there.?My response however was that women are like a finely tuned piano.?Many different keys to press, different buttons that do different things, and when pressed in different orders give different results.?This analogy goes past emotional to the physical as well, so enjoy the conversation starter over your next martini.?It takes years to master a piano, and that is only if the person trying is spending hours each day studying it/her.?To make matters worse, some pianos are built differently than others, some are in better tune than others, and really when you first sit down at one, even a master, which I am certainly not, will have no idea what will happen when a particular button is pressed, much less two or three in quick succession.?It is a complicated instrument that takes a lifetime to understand, appreciate and master.?Years of cramping fingers, and crossed eyes studying the various chords that can be played by pressing keys in different orders.??
A man, however, and sadly I might add, is built exactly like a Bongo drum.?Again, emotionally and physically.?Not a drum set, with cymbals, a foot control and multiple skins, no.?A single bongo drum.?Anyone can play a bongo drum and make it sound exactly like it is supposed to sound.?Any female can walk past one in the living room and start tapping on it, and yes that is what anyone on the planet would expect a Bongo drum to sound like.?Even a cat dropping down from a higher shelf using it as nothing more than a step stool can make that drum sound just right.?It just is not that complicated.?True, some can make that same bongo sound like a Tahitian night with fire dancers prancing around with the smell of a pig roasting over an open pit, but really men are pretty simple.?So why the confusion??Why, if women are the superior gender, the owners of the evolutionarily advanced X chromosome, are men such a mystery??Are our thoughts just that different?I signed up, again, for Match.com 48 hours ago and thought I would share my thoughts on how I felt, feel, and what I expect.?There seems to be some confusion among women, as I skim profiles, or answer letters, as to what a guy is thinking while on the site.?Being a man, it seems about as simple as pouring coffee as compared to making a triple Vente, half-caf, skinny, with caramel syrup (the real kind stored in the back room, not just what is on the shelf), 174.9 degree Latte in a double cup with the logo facing straight out.?Where the confusion comes in, I am guessing, is when a woman?s thoughts are projected onto the mans, and as we all know, a maestro piano player, cannot play a bongo any better than my nine year old.at least not at first.?For the sake of this article, to keep it simple, I need to first weed out theuhm weeds.?Many of those I have dated in the past would count, but to be honest I have been other people?s weeds as well.?Weeds, for us here, are those who are either not being honest on purpose, or don?t realize they are not being honest usually because they are confused with themselves.?Their own place in the world, and how they need to cope with their own loneliness.?Since I was one of these people at one time, I can only smile and shake my head at their naivety; it?s not their fault, any more than it?s a cows fault for walking in their own shit.?They just don?t know any better.?If all of you reading this could accept the fact that at a core level, most people are just people, there are good ones and not so good ones, and we all will be making mistakes and experiencing speed bumps along the way, then we can realize that no in fact, all men are not jerks, anymore than I think all women are.?Since I have filed a lawsuit against the last gal I dated, I have reason to think this is so.but it isn?t the case.?Think positive, there are (I hope) great people out there mixed in and amongst the cow dung, but we need to be about ankle deep to find it.So from a mans perspective who would love to find a woman that both allows me to sweep her, but also sweeps me, these are my thoughts about match.com;Before logging on this time, I had had a revelation.?While at church the other week I happened to notice a young couple, a few years younger than myself, enjoying the service as much as I did.?My church is very young, very funny, great rock style music and draws a very hip fairly affluent crowd.?So as I looked around I noticed quite a few couples around my age all enjoying together what I was enjoying alone.?Now, I am not perfect or anywhere near it.?I have often walked away from church with my tail between my legs, but honesty, and advice on good living is extremely useful to finding a deeper sense of happiness I believe, so I continue to go.?I realized how nice it would be to be able to be enjoy this with someone else.?To be with someone who did not continually lead me to the temptations that I am so naturally drawn towards.?I realized that this time I would like to date a Christian girl.?What that looks like to you, and what I think it looks like to you, makes me laugh a bit.?I still want everything else, Hot, sexy, educated etc. not jsut some church-mouse clinging to a bible, holding her thread-bare sweater over her shoulders, but now want this on top of everything else I have been looking for.?DAMN I am getting pickier.?In the past I have been on match and have started by surfing the profiles looking at pics and tapping out greetings to those that I found instantly attractive, often not even reading, or only skimming a profile description in order to find some common ground by which to get a conversation started.?This is sadly how most of the surfing is done.?Remember bongo drums.? |
| Remember bongo drums.?What I got often was pretty girls who offered me nothing that I thought I was looking for(not all cases, many are still good friends), except for the ?benefit?of being with them and being able to buy them things.?I would often find and look for women who would love sex as much as I did, and sex being no less addicting to a man than crack to a dead beat dad living on the streets of Tacoma, I would scrounge and look for clue words in profiles that would hint at being able to get it sooner or easier.?The clue words, I am guessing were not put their entirely on accident.?I would imagine those profiles would get the most attention.?Add Darwinian theory here, and if more invitations equals more success then this makes sense in some strange not useful way.?I started every search with the noble intent of getting a real woman, but found myself slipping to the lowest common denominator each and every time.?I don?t think I was bad, I was just a man being led by my.well manhood.?Without a personal conviction, a moral compass or some really strong will power this path will be traveled over and over again even by nice guys.?What does this mean to you, assuming you are a woman and dating on match??Well if you are looking for a man and want to actually have a chance at a long lasting relationship, I can say only one thing.?Don?t have sex I can feel men?s collective penis?s wincing as I say that like a dog to a training whistle.??I am not suggesting that you never have sex, or as my wonderful pastor would say, not until marriage, even though that might be a good way to go(just don?t think I could), but not in the first few dates at least.?Don?t do it, and the reason is so complicated its as simple as a bongo drum.?Let a man slip to the lowest common denominator and he will, its his manhood leading him to what is easy, and saying no, or finding that there is no "No", is exactly what it wants.?However if while he is sweeping you off of your feet and trying to get them on either side of his head, you are sweeping him right back stimulating what is in his head and being firm with the other, you will force him, he wont do it on his own, to learn more about you.?You will be forcing the hand here, ensuring that even if the relationship does not work, he will know you, know who you are and what are about.?And if it does not work out I am guessing here, just guessing because it is not the same for me (a man), that you will feel less resentment having never given "it" up.?Even this time, online,?with my most noble of intentions I am finding that I want very much to slip back to my old ways.?Not bad ways necessarily, depending on whose moral platform you are comparing it to, but less successful ways for what I want.?I want a challenge, and I want a woman who makes me wait even though I am banging my head against the wall begging for it, so that when I get it, I feel like it is a Kings treasure, not a wadded up five dollar bill found in the corner of the street.??I think that there are a lot of men like me out there who have not even figured this out for themselves but you will be doing both them and you a favor by standing up, rather than laying down.?I know you want it too, I know its hard (stop, that is not what I meant), I know that you have needs too, but unless that is all you want filled, don?t do it.?A man can be a good actor for only so long.?He can keep giving you the ?buying?signs, like speaking of meeting family, or traveling to visit your home town, or even looking for houses for only a certain amount of time.?If this is what is keeping you in the sack it will continue until there is a point where the rubber has to meet the road, a point where you know the Truth will come out, and how often has it been not truth you were hoping for??It?s a point where you hear something about "not wanting a relationship, or not being ?ready?".?This is the time of "The Talk".?You see, at this point you have already given up the sex, invested emotionally and given?sex a certain economic ?value?, and to him, it is not worth it anymore.?It is time to go find someone new.?At this point he has not invested himself in learning about you, has not had to so lets not blame him entirely, and the measure by which to make his decision is this:?Is the sex and the nagging combined together worth moving into a more committed relationship rather than going out and finding someone new with new sex and no talk of commitment???Which would you choose??Hold back a little longer and then the decision is much more complicated for him.?Now he has "invested" in this arrangement by having to entertain and be entertained emotionally.?He has to then give up someone that he actually likes, and has invested in by not moving forward.?If you are under the assumption that a man invests by having sex, then you are fooling yourself.?There is NO emotional investment in sex by a man.?None.?Hear that, none at all, not one bit.?Not even the tiniest fraction of emotion Unless, and this is big,?he has feelings already.?Get the feelings, or get out.?Cant get the feelings, cant get the time needed to get the feelings, get out.?Sex and being willing to wait for it is YOUR ONLY LITMUS TEST as to his true motivations.?Its all you have, so use it wisely.?As was said to Spiderman when he donned his first spider suit by his father.?And now said to all who have breasts.?"To whom great power is given, great responsibility is required" ????? |
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