| ?I'd arrived, in the plan, at the lodging we'd checked for the night.?Things weren't going as planned thus far.???Earlier on the drive I'd somehow broken past the security checkpoints at the local airport and had a scuffle with security.?The bitch said I needed a ticket to escape their fortifications, but I argued since I broke past and right into their superior anti-terrorist parking lot (with drugs) I should be able to leave in the same manner.?A few cuts over grass did the trick.??Wasn't the most brilliant exchange considering the bitch was armed, and I could see the look in her eyes.?"Damn druggies..."But that's in the past.???Let's get right to it.???I was there in style, wearing Prussian blue cords, my signature black hoodie, sun glasses and a gray eagle entrenched in black hidden beneath the zipper, carrying an old leather briefcase crammed with assorted gibberish, and 18 boxed beers round the other arm.?I know we'd be needing it, an emo punk rock guitarist freak in disguise and an indie-smut crazed drug journalist trapped at this crossroads for the night.???"Jesus!"?He was standing right in front of me. ????"Where the hell did you come from?"I demanded.???He nodded to the open door behind him.???"Jobe my friend!"He punched me in the shoulder.?"It's been a long time."???"Too long Milt," I smirked.?"Let's get this started."???We stepped inside the room, grapefruit sitting on one of the beds, the refrigerator packed full of fruit of all kinds.?I flung the purple-red drapes open, single floor, but it didn't matter.?The emo schemer Brad had brought two of his guitars, a suitcase, his laptop, some high quality speakers and recording equipment as well as two large jugs filled with a cloudy black substance.?His shit was scattered about the room in a randomly disorganized fashion I found comforting.?Very at home in the external.???I flipped open my suitcase dumping the contents onto one of the beds.?I'd brought all my high-tech journalist bull equipment along, but it would never find much use.?My laptop had joined us and so had his, I suppose that's just the sort of gen we live in these times.???Bradley was his name.?I'd known him for several years, but hadn't seen him since the impossible happenings in Plymouth two years earlier, when sight had met sound had met taste, smell, touch and enveloped us in a walls-caving-in style freak trip that had last hours into the morning light when we were all assured the world was ending that very morning.?It was January 3rd.?Just 3 days prior I had attempted, and he was in a similar situation, though not quite as severe.?Just lost in the bounds of shallow conversation and inadvertent misdirection.?My attempt was a final collapse after six long months of holding out against the waves of something priceless, lost.?I won't delve into such things now though.???We exchanged amiable conversation for about an hour, talking about the things caught up in our minds, letting them flow out onto the beds and the cheesy pink carpeting, oozing out across the floor, the walls, everywhere, until the room was painted in our very own colors.?The reflecting shades of our auras, and their combined lights dancing together, meshing and producing not browns, but whites and crystalline shapes undetectable by the eyes, but I knew they were with us.???The next step was to prepare the room for the journey ahead.?We began trashing the place violently as is custom on my sojourns, and had become so on his.?We took down the paintings and tossed them into the corners, threw towels over the mirrors.?I tore the alarm clock from the wall and walked to the microwave plastering brown tape over the time display and carved in the numbers "11:11."?That was the only time we need be aware of.?The drapes were closed tight to keep the light from bothering our nocturnal eyes.?The toilet was filled with an entire roll of paper and flushed repeatedly until it overflowed sending toilet water down the rusty drain on the floor.?I had a vile of holy water, and began spraying the room down wall by wall, then we took what was left and chugged it down one after another.?"We are holy men, blessed," I proclaimed.?"..Or we're taking the express lane to hell."???Brad laughed cracking a beer.???I also had a piece of holy chalk which we used to replace the drab paintings with scribed messages I found so very fitting "INSANITY" on my side of the room, where everything was strewn about, and the somewhat more organized side where Brad scribbled "PEACE."?Unconsciously we'd split the room, my half being in general and complete chaos and discord, while Brad's being in a more orderly chaos, pleasing to the eye, refined, such is with watery folk like him.???"Alright, alright enough of this.?Time to get down to business," said Brad.???"You got a plan?"???"You're the one with all the plans," replied Brad.?"But I think we should chug the shit and then go for a walk."???I nodded.???"It's freezing out there."???"You don't have to tell me," replied Brad.?"But it's just a fact.?Once we get this shit down, we'll have to purge."???I sighed, nodding.???We took up the two jugs of mysterious dark fluid and drank them down in silence, sitting on our separate beds.?One of the worst tastes I've had in my mouth, not since cherry robo..Hah.?But so different in flavor.?1500 seeds each.?The max dose for morning glory was 500.?We'd puke out the scuz on our walk and the remaining, bolting through our blood streams, would be pure LSA.???I swung a heavy light brown jacket over my hoodie and Brad threw on his black-blue-white jacket; And we proceeded outside.???The winter's cold was incredible.?Wind was gusting about the massive piles of snow in all directions, the sky was completely black, and the temperature seemed somewhere between -7 and -15 F.?I could feel that uniquely Wisconsin winter chill cutting right through my protective garments, infusing it's icy fingers into my spine and circulating it's cool throughout my entire body.?The arctic blasts of wind burned red against our faces, but we could feel the MGS(morning glory seeds) beginning to churn in our guts, so we headed out.???"It's incredible out here," I commented as we brought our pace up to about four MPH.?"The land is devoid of all life..It's like hell out here."???"Spring will wipe it all away," replied Brad, as he watched me watching the endless piles of snow with a heavy heart.???"It's been so long," I hesitated.?"This year was bad.?Fall was short."?I hopped a few steps forward and jumped a metal barrier.???He knew all too well what I was really referring to.?I could see it in face..And that understanding was so important to me.???"You were saying earlier.." |
| ?"You were saying earlier.."I trailed off not knowing exactly how to approach the subject.?"You couldn't get her out of your head."???His walk slowed in pace and he turned to stare me in the eyes.?He must've known as well as I did that our constant conversations had built an innate perceptibility between the two of us.???"Kayla," He said.???We both turned and continued walking at a quickened pace that seemed pleasing; something about walking feels so right and things hidden from plain view in everyday life come out with a greater ease as pairs walk the dark corners in the midst of a frozen-black winter night unsettled with gusts of wind.???"I can't seem to stop myself from thinking about her," said Brad.?"It's like I've moved on with my life, but every once in a while she'll come back."???"It's the same with Sam," I replied pausing.?"And maybe that's why I started this..This walking out into the middle of nowhere, in the dense of night, every night..It feels so good to walk away from your entire life."???"Amen," answered Bradley.???We'd proceeded about a half mile past a quiet car dealership, a dead trucker's station and were now turning onto some lonely road heading far off from the bright city lights.?I pulled the cuffs of my hoodie through my jacket sleeves wrapping my fingers into them for warmth and zipped up my jacket to the chin.???"You ever wonder if we'll ever see them again?"I asked.???"It's more like..Right now, I'm glad to be as far from her as I can be..But there are times when I'd give anything to just go back and be with her, the way she used to be."???"They changed so much, both of them.?I remember what you told me about the last time you saw her and how different she was."???"It was like the essence of the Kayla I knew was gone."???"Exactly," I hesitated.?"You were the one I talked to the night before and the day after the last day I saw Sam.??I could sense something had changed in her.?I could sense her motives, but I didn't really know what she was thinking.?But..I didn't give it enough time."?I sighed heavily.???"We only spoke for a few short minutes, and split company, because I couldn't handle it."???"Maybe a few minutes was all you needed," replied Brad.???I hesitated again.?"Maybe you're right.?In any case, it happened the way it happened, and couldn't have gone any other way.?The past is set in stone, and maybe we shouldn't look back.?But it's hard not to..When you lose something so precious."???"It was already gone man," Brad began.?"It was gone before you even got in your car that morning."???"-I was just living on a wispy cusp of hope that I could make it real again.?As real as the first time we met," I finished.???We'd gone about two miles now and the arctic chill running through my body was beginning to tug at my already stumbling heart.?The cold mixed with the beginning effects of the Morning glories was getting to me. ????I was sweating heavily, so hard my hair wetted and froze.?Drops of cold sweat were falling from my hair onto my jacket, rolling down my cheeks and neck.?"I'm started to feel it," stated Brad.?"You?"???I was stumbling a bit as I walked, tucking my head down into my jacket as far as I could.???"You don't look so good man, you're beat red."???"Let's pick up pace," I replied.???After about fifteen minutes I could feel nothing but my gut churning from the black sludge I'd injested 45 minutes prior.?I stumbled again in my walk, in our march down the center of this cold, dead road.???"Don't die on me man," said Brad.???"I'm fine," I replied, though I was not.?"Funny you say that, because I know right now you're probably considering how you could possibly escape this situation were I to collapse into the snow."???He laughed heartily.???"That's exactly right dude!"?He exclaimed.?"All these thoughts just came racing through my head, how I'd get out of here, what I'd tell the police."???"And left with little or no concern for my dismal fate," I laughed.?"It's alright.?I'm not afraid to die.?You know that..In fact..I could die right now."???"I'm not quite ready for that..and neither are you," He grabbed at my jacket pulling me off to the side of the road.???The tone changed as we headed further and further from the hotel.?The morning glories were hitting full force, the sludge was forming into a ball in my stomach that needed release.?I could feel the gag reflex, the desire to vomit hitting lightly as we walked.???"The only way I can keep from puking is to keep walking," Brad laughed.???I laughed.???"I know dude..Just keep walking."???I was sweating even harder and I could see Brad was feeling the same.?His face was turning red, bloated and he was looking rather ill himself.?"You look like you're going to collapse," said Brad.???"I could say the same for you buddy," I laughed, but I'd had enough of this outstretching endgame.?"Here, this looks good."???We were lost, probably about three miles from the hotel standing in the middle of a road without a name.?I motioned for Brad to follow and we entered an apocalyptically quiet area at a building, three giant dumpsters obscuring the view from the empty road.???Brad stumbled over to the far wall and I stepped over to the opposite wall.?Almost immediately I could hear the emo-boy blasting his guts out.?It sounded painful and perverse.? |
| It sounded painful and perverse.?The vomit reflex was coming and going for me, but I knew it was time, time to purge and return before we both froze to death.???I stuck a sweaty finger down my throat, but nothing.?I pulled the finger out covered in spit and jammed it in again down hard deep down into my throat at the same time imagining black scum riding up and out.?And so it did.?I spewed down into the white snow, against the side of the building, coughing and choking on the disgusting liquid.?I felt shocked, blasted and my stomach still churned lightly.?Brad was still puking incredibly, and I turned to see a mess of brown blackness in the white snow near him.?The way back was quiet, as it always is.?There was little to say, and we were both freezing cold.?When we finally arrived back in the room our faces and hands were burnt with the chills long outside.???I tossed my coat aside, unzipping my hoodie half down and cracked open one of the beers sitting on the heater.?Bradley had pumped up the gage to it's 100 point maximum.?I could feel the temperature rising in the room as we sat back and relaxed, eating fruit and talking about band things, writing things, life things, but no more love things.???It had been about an hour, and about four beers later when my vision began blurring.?The room seemed to bend in and out, in and out, as if it was breathing us in, as much as we were breathing within it.?The curtains were rippling back and forth, but the heater had auto-shut off.?Spirals began forming out of the purple-red cloth, but I was suddenly brought back into the present.???"What's wrong?"I demanded.???Brad was laying down on the bed next to mine, an arm over his head, eyes staring up into the ceiling.???"I just wanna be fucked up," He answered.???I noticed as well that the seeds were having little effect on us.?There were light indications, but that was all.?"Well my friend," I smiled pulling a little bottle from my pocket.?"Then I suggest you try one of these... lovely white ladies."???I held in my hand two little white pills with stamp marks of hookers on them, and he immediately recognized the substance as MDA.?He smiled.???"My contact suggested we parachute them," I said.???So we crushed the two pills up and folded the piles of white powder into little pieces of toilet paper, swallowing the wads down like giant horse pills.?It was about 45 minutes of guzzling beers and talking shit when the ecstasy grabbed us, and took hold of the trip in full force.???The LSA and MDA complimented each other well, despite the LSA's less than stellar performance, the MDA was running strong in our systems.???Time and space were completely oblivious during this trip.?The drapes were closed and no light entered, there were no clocks, only the numbers 1111 scribbled into tape on the microwave.?The walls were barren manilla flowers and insane words scribbled with white chalk blessed by a priest.?The floor was covered in random shit.?The place was trashed, but Brad and I, we were starting to discuss something that sent us both running, in the future.???"I'm at this limbo man, this strange place, this crossroads.?Everyone meets it, most right out of high school, and they have a decision to make," I spoke.???"And they always tell you 'You're young, you've got time to decide," replied Brad.???"The central idea we need to understand is that we have to follow what we love to do," I continued.?"I don't know how anyone can settle on something or choose something else for the simple desire of wealth as the only driving force in their life."???"Right dude," replied Brad.?"This waiting is pointless, we aren't accomplishing anything.?What we need to do is pick a direction, anything, and just book for it."???We gathered the driving force, and the courage to leap forward into whatever the world would throw at us.?We had it that night.?We had it.?It was clear, completely, and we knew what we had to do.?It was like an invisible hand pushing me into the future, and from that day I follow it wherever it takes me, whenever, and to whoever it may.???Brad did the same, with a vengeance and grace, as he always would.?I barreled forward with suave and raw determination.???The night drew on, we smoked some grass and relaxed on the two beds.?Brad and I had constantly talked shit, basically the fact that I could kick his ass, any day, anytime..We always joked about throwing down.?He moved on his bed sitting on the edge staring at me as I lay there, eyes half-closed and started talking shit to me. ????"You're a little bitch is all I'm saying," said Bradley staring directly at me.???"What?"???"You heard me, You're a little bitch," he replied.???I sat up on my bed, thinking.???"What are you trying to do here Bradley?"I asked smiling.???"Well I'm just saying you're a little bitch," he replied.???"One more time, please," I answered.???"Dude," he replied smiling.?"You're such a total little bitch."???I dove at him, throwing him into the far and I threw his head into a bunch of dangling hangers.?He turned around almost immediately and I tossed him again towards the door.?He shoved me down onto the ground near the door, and I stood up immediately knocking into his knees, and he fell onto a box sitting there.?We both started laughing exhaustedly, and I helped him up.?We both grabbed cups of water from the sink, sipping quietly.?Suddenly I felt a blast of luke-warm water smashing into my face, I was shocked for a moment turning at him laughing, then I lifted my drink (which was very full) and just catapulted it into his face.?It splashed like a shotgun liquefying his face and hair completely.?I then dove into him knocking him into the door.?He grabbed me by the shirt and threw me down into the box, and I smacked my head against the wall.?I got up shaking it off, tackle diving into his chest knocking him four or five feet, and grabbed him throwing him bouncing off the bed and falling onto the floor on the opposite side.?At the same time he threw me backwards knocking me onto the floor near the heater.?I don't know why we did it, but it felt great and it seemed like the right thing to do given the circumstances.?We both got up laughing and soon passed to sleep, exhausted from the night's trips.???There was a strange shade over the room that night, as the unknown hours passed by.?It couldn't be described as color, thought, emotion, place or situation, situation is too meager, if I could make up a word to describe a series of moments strung together to produce an after effect or during effect of a feel of an all around experience in terms of personal emotions from your own perspective, shared emotional states, the taste of the smell it dashes over your memory of the events, like a coat of hot grease; but most importantly what does that sort of combined sense mean, as you look back on the moments as they happened they seem almost mythical, like there was some completely unique connection between you, the person with you and the places you dwelt in.?There's an air that runs over those moments in retrospection, as you pass them one by one, something so unique that it hits the strangest, the most bizarre and moving emotions in our minds when we retrospect them.?The next morning we both felt the heavy head effects, and decided to split paths once more.?He had cleaned the room in some mad rage at six in the morning and had only slept three or four.?I was shocked that he would do such a thing, but I suppose it felt right to a fish.?I carried some of his equipment out to his car, we embraced, thanking each other for the insight, the company and the friendship. |
| I carried some of his equipment out to his car, we embraced, thanking each other for the insight, the company and the friendship. |
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