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Daniel(That’s me): The Next Generation |
| It?s early.It usually is when I decide to write a random and rambling blog.Keep in mind that while some of this may be serious..it?s a fairly light hearted, mildly sarcastic piece of writing.I?ve been thinking about kids lately.To be more specific, I?ve been thinking about kids which I may or may not bring into existence; Most other people?s kids depress me at by how poorly their parents are raising them.What will I choose to name them?What kind of father would I be?What sorts of terrible mischief will I convince them to use against their dear, loving mother?First things first, though.Step one: Making the family.Not as easy or as difficult as it sounds, this fits into the?sort of duality in the whole marriage thing.(for more info on that ask a married person) Finding someone to marry me isn?t really a problem.All I really have to do is go to church for a while...I?m pretty much guaranteed to meet someone.However, just because I can marry someone doesn?t mean I should.She could be totally lame!Therein lies the difficulty.Finding a woman who will put up with my....uh... eccentricities who won?t make me want to jump off a bridge later in life is going to be no easy task.?But once all that is accomplished, the next stage would be children after a while.If I can?t have kids because my wife won?t put out, I?m going to be mad.It would be just my luck, though.I can see the headlines.Frigid Iceberg Sinks Titanic.... the Titanic being ... nevermind.?Ok. So babies.I can see potentially having one to three shiny, beautiful vessels of my wife and I?s DNA running around the home. |
| I can see potentially having one to three shiny, beautiful vessels of my wife and I?s DNA running around the home.Based on what I know, I figure they are guaranteed to be at least half good looking, half genius, half funny, half tall, and half awesome.This is clearly based on what I bring to the table.Also, they may be half fuzzy, half bearded, and completely humble.I can only hope that my wife has some compatible and super cool traits to pass along... otherwise if she has twins one might look like Arnold and the other like Danny DeVito.Ok, So I?m being a little sarcastic and expressing false narcissism.I?ll just be happy if I get to pass on my intelligence and that the baby doesn?t come out looking like Wolverine... or worse yet, Chewbacca.Eh.I have some names picked out.?For boys..Daniel Virgil.He?ll go by Virgil.Why?Because Virgil is a name for either an epic poet or a badass cowboy..in some cases both.Also, "Virge" is a cool shortened nickname.David Dallas is another one I like.People call me David all the time- it?s also the namesake of a fairly awesome king from back in the day.Dallas is my grandfather?s name.Should I have a third child and it is also a boy...All I got left is Squiggy, so hopefully the wife can think of something good.??Daughters are a different story.I guess Mary is good..or some flower names like Lily, Rose, or Hibiscus?Heck, I don?t know.I?m no good with that icky girl stuff.?I fully accept that once married I won?t be able to spend much time (if any) with all my friends..I?m going to literally have to make my own new friends. |
| I?m going to literally have to make my own new friends.Unfortunately it will take a few years before these new friends, kind of like pod people, are good for doing anything besides eating, pooping, and crying.I?m hoping for boys.I can teach them all sorts of cool stuff.... and it?s an excuse to play with action figures again.People sometimes give me a hard time that I still have a large bucket of army men floating around.Eh.Daughters are a different story..I?m no good with that icky girl stuff..I could teach them to cook in the event my wife is not that great at it(I will of course mask this as father daughter bonding time and never reveal that my lovely wife?s cooking tastes worse than military rations..love means sacrifice) Also, I will teach them not to fall for dumb lines from guys when they get older.I?d go into more detail, but that might mean revealing some of my surefire effective wooing techniques.Ha.....ehhhhhhh.At least having daughters means I can convince the wife to let me have guns..Oh yeah, strong moral upbringing.I won?t force my religious beliefs on my kids, but I?ll sure make them available.Eh..that?s something to discuss later.Finally, I?m probably going to use my children to drive my wife(among other people) crazy.I think one of the reasons we have kids, other than the whole mindlessly pass on our DNA thing, is so we can have a second childhood.We live vicariously through our children.It?s ok. They do the same to us.Second childhood means second chances at all sorts of cool pranks.I?m a fairly mischievious prankster.I may not have the body of a god, but I might have the mind of one.Unfortunately for most, that god is Loki- Norse god of mischief.Yup.It may sound bad, but I?m really looking forward to the whole prank thing. |
| It may sound bad, but I?m really looking forward to the whole prank thing. |
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