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Checking out for a while !! |
| ?Well im off tomorrow into the total unknown.Still worried and nervous and everything, i just hate not knowing where i stand.Im feeling really negative, so much that im even dreading the flight.I hate flying and im always having dreams of crashing, of crashing and drowning, of screaming into the face of a complete stranger as we crush each others hands on the way down.Telling the woman next to me that i love her as the plane fills with icy cold water as we sink into the atlantic.I really dont think im that lucky.I'll be burnt first before falling and then drowning.?Im seriously scared of flying, it reminds me of all those t.v. programmes when survivors say " You never think it will happen to you!", Scary, anyway enough of that, it's getting me frightened.Sad because im leaving my mammy, she was ill today and looked frail, god bless if there is one.It was round about a year ago that my dad told me to go back to Athens to carry on at work, and after i left i never saw him again, here i am a year later and my mam i telling me the same again.So you can imagine im upset about that.I hope she takes care of herself, i will call of course.I think she is worried for me too, i will tell her that she must hold on for my sake, she has to see me get married one day.?I will miss her of course, even though she drives me crazy, and makes me angry.the internet has kept me company over the last few months of my depression , spewing my darkest thoughts as they happen, LIVE !!I will keep doing it but not as regular now, although i will probably keep a log on my p.c. and post it all at once.That should be ok.
Maybe i will be back sooner than i think, who knows.I hope things go well for me, i think ive been through enough, i used to be in a trio playing the club circuit for christ sake, I even had to shake my ass to the crowd as a group ass shake at the end of each night, it was 100% cringe worthy, that was one of the many bad moments of my life....and the bastards didn't pay me. Whether it's plan A,B,C or D, i need a fucking break and a good fucking time, i want to enjoy myself for the love of god, i want to kiss strangers in the street, man or woman and tell them im glad to be alive...... and thats it !!!!!! |
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